One Year Ago Tonight...

...I was so nervous. More nervous than I think I've ever been to perform. (And I'm not sure if I can really put all I was feeling into words, but it feels like I need to write all of this down to help me remember.)

You see, I've read so many times that if I am prepared, I don't need to fear. And I believe that. I really do.

As I was getting ready to perform a year ago tonight, I knew I had prepared, but I didn't feel prepared. Which makes absolutely no sense. I had worked, but I knew I could have worked more. I had practiced, but I knew I could have practiced more.

But I'd been a little busy.

On January 3, I'd given birth to this cute little baby (Who was then in the hospital for a week right after she was born, and again for a few days at the end of the month due to a tear duct infection - I'll spare you the photos of her eye, and instead share a photo from her NICU stay right after she was born. You're welcome.):

Then at the end of January, we were off to Utah to rehearse with Whitney, and I was able to welcome this new arrival:

(When you've worked on something so hard, it feels like giving birth to finally see it in its finished form.)

And then we were off to Ogden to kick off Time Out for Women.

Yikes.

I remember walking on to the stage for sound check and feeling my stomach drop. So. Many. Seats. So much responsibility to share this little program I've nurtured for the last few years. And so much worry - worry that no one would like it, worry that I would forget something, worry that I would completely fail. I was trying to be brave. I was trying to be cool. But I was on the verge of losing it. (Post-partum hormones notwithstanding.)

I remember praying. Praying harder than I ever had before a performance. Praying that I could just do my very best. That given the circumstances, I had done all I could do, and that if there was any way Heavenly Father could take care of the rest, I'd be so grateful.

And in no time at all, I was on the stage, singing a song I'd just learned (and was terrified of forgetting the lyrics to...)

 

But I remembered the words. And people smiled at me.  And I felt so much better.

Then, it was backstage to breathe, change clothes and shift mental gears.  And before I knew it, Virginia was done speaking and I was back on stage with my little presentation.

 

The night went by in a blur. It still feels like a blur. But I didn't make too many mistakes, and I didn't forget very much, and the audience was so nice.  It was an amazing night. Prayers were definitely answered.

And last year was an amazing year. The entire year feels like it went by in a blur. Being able to perform is always a humbling experience for me, but I've never experienced anything as humbling as the Time Out for Women performances I've been a part of. To be on the stage and just be in awe as I can feel the power and the spirit of the women that come to the events - it's the most amazing thing I've ever felt.

And though I still get nervous when I have to perform, I've been grateful to learn again and again that none of this is about me.

 

So tonight, my thoughts and prayers are with the presenters and women that will be in Layton this weekend. It's going to be amazing. And I can't wait to join all of you again in March in Idaho Falls. XOXO